A Gift To Self_93

tlhhtkilj · Wysłany: Śro 7:59, 16 Mar 2011 Temat postu: A Gift To Self_93

In December of 1995 I learned what it is like to live in great fear when I was raped at gunpoint after hosting a television show on rape that had encouraged many women caught in fear. This show, however, angered someone so much that this man put a gun to my head and said, "Ok cute talk show host, what do you do with a gun in your head?" That night of horror impacted my life forever. My rapist had done more than tear my body. He had stolen my joy.
What was meant for evil, however, has been used for good in my life. I would not be the woman I am today without this experience, and I would I not have had the opportunity to walk alongside so many women dealing with fear throughout the years. If I had not traveled my own dark road of fear, I would not be able to challenge others to travel their own journey to healing and freedom.
The statistics are frightening - one in six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime and one in thirty-three men. College age women are four times more likely to be assaulted and since 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police, the numbers are probably much greater. In 2007 there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault in the U.S. Scott Berkowitz, Pres of RAINN, (Rape and Incest National Network) says, "That means that every two minutes an American is sexually assaulted."
I believe, however, we can move from victim to victory and not remain in the shackles of fear. We can move toward freedom. There were a number of things that allowed me to recover from my own victimization. I call the eight practical tools that helped me overcome my fear a GIFT to SELF; G-Guard your heart; I-Invite others in; F-Face your fear; T-Trust your pain to God; S-Set your mind; E-Enjoy being grateful; L-Lighten up, laugh and love yourself and F-Forgive. I hope these might be helpful to others on their own journey from fear to forgiveness to freedom.
First "G", guard your heart. I wondered if I would ever feel normal again. The fear only grew in the weeks that passed as I drove the hour from home to the TV station to host "Rosemary's Guestbook", I would hear in my mind like a tape recording my attackers voice saying,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "I know where you live, I will kill you if you tell!" After three months I realized I had to guard my heart and I gave up the television show I loved. Fear and anguish were being triggered every day as I worked across the street from the hotel where the rape took place. I now advise other women to also guard their hearts by recognizing the triggers to their pain and trying whenever possible to avoid them.
Even when I left the job, fear continued to grip my soul. I had to realize healing was going to be a step-by-step, moment-by-moment process. I kept telling myself, "It is past, why can't you just get over this?" I realized I had to be gentle with myself and give myself the grace to take time to heal. When a woman has experienced such evil or other major trauma, the pain seems unbearable and you struggle with the feeling that there is no way out. There may not be a way out,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but I assure you that God can help you find a way through the pain on a journey of healing.
Next "I", invite others into your pain. First and foremost, the loving support of my husband, Paul, helped me cope with the devastating pain. As a Commonwealth Attorney, Paul had prosecuted many criminals but we never dreamed one would strike so close to home. He protected me, held me when I just needed to cry, and did everything he could to pursue the investigation. Even through my rapist was never found, Paul gave me hope that we could somehow overcome this together. It helped also to invite others into my pain and my best friend and roommate from college, Ren�� Bowditch, was a tremendous support. Family, friends and faith were all important to my healing process.
When an elephant is injured in Africa and falls down, the elephant will likely die because of his weight. But it is said two elephants will sometimes come alongside and press into the wounded one and hold up the injured elephant until he has the strength to walk again. Paul and Ren�� were like my elephants that pressed in and kept me from falling when the pain got too great.
I encourage other victims that they are not alone, and I recommend they reach out to friends, counselors, pastors or mentors who will press in and help give them the strength to heal. They have been wounded mind in body and spirit. I remember tearing up Paul's old [link widoczny dla zalogowanych]s because that helped me physically release the burst of fear and anger that would cause the rush of adrenalin to flow through my body.
Third "F", face your fear. A man who rapes you wants to not only destroy you for a night, but for a lifetime. That is why they leave a dagger of fear planted deep in your heart. The terrible thoughts that haunt you are not only the memories of the abuse, but the thoughts of shame and worthlessness. You feel like you will never be clean and pure again. I had to face the fear and be willing to fight for my freedom. It seems strange to turn toward something, someone or some circumstance that is causing you great anxiety, but when you confront your fear, you find new ways to overcome your fear.
Fight or flight maybe a natural response that is often physically prompted in harmful situations. Running can be the right response if you are in physical danger. However, running away from fear is often unhealthy. At Yellowstone National Park, the rangers post signs telling visitors what to do if they come upon a bear. "Don't run! Be calm. Don't look the bear in the eyes, but be perfectly still." Don't let anxiety overrun and control you. As with a bear, when you run, your fears will run after you.
Fourth "T", trust your pain to God. When you are a victim of fear of different kinds the natural question is often, "Where was God when this happened to me?" There are no easy answers, but as I struggled with the pain and panic in the aftermath of the crime against me,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I began to embrace a new intimacy with God and a new life of faith and forgiveness. Though this evil act had crippled me, I found by surrendering my pain there could be redeemed hope and joy. Prayer was an important part of my healing journey and I claimed the scripture Ps 30:11 "You turned my mourning in dancing... and clothed me with joy."
Fifth "S", set your mind. I found it was also important to set my mind and not let my emotions constantly control me. When we have a victim state of mind, our negative self-talk actually weakens us emotionally and physically. If we believe we will never get free from fear, whether it is true or not,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is true for us and we are caught in what I call the fear trap cycle. What we believe and our past reinforces the lie that we can never get over this painful event. Like the Serenity Prayer we must begin to accept the things we cannot change, change the things we can and seek the wisdom to know the difference. We cannot undo the past and we cannot control the future but we can choose joy and choose life and begin to envision new possibilities and new hope for our lives.
Sixth "E", enjoy being grateful. Try to be grateful for what you do have and focus less on what you don't have. I would make a list each night of some things I was thankful for and my spirits began to lift. Henri Nouwen writes, "One of life's great questions centers not on what happens to us, but rather how we will live in and through whatever happens. Will I relate to life resentfully or gratefully?"
Seventh "L", lighten up, laugh and love yourself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]! We are not perfect and God does not expect us to be perfect. Life is going to throw us some curveballs. Live life with a lighter touch. It is sometimes hard to love yourself after a great trauma has occurred, but we need to care for ourselves. Allow yourself a good laugh. Let loose the joy inside of you.
Fear struck my friend Ren��'s heart seven years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery. Since then Ren�� has poured her emotional healing into encouraging young women struggling with cancer. She has developed a support group called "Beyond Boobs." These women did not want to be defined by their status as breast cancer victims or to focus on outward appearances, but instead to find the power and courage to live life to the fullest despite their illness.
Beyond Boobs, Inc. ( beyondboobsinc.org ) has become a non-profit that produces a calendar each year sharing their journey and raises awareness of life-saving early detection. Ren�� appears in her "Good Health Fairy" costume-a flashy prom gown, tiara, and pink tennis shoes to bring the light touch. She believes a merry heart does good, like medicine!
Eight "F", forgive. Forgiveness I believe is the greatest pathway to freedom from fear. We cannot always forgive immediately when we have experienced deep hurt. - It would not be realistic to do so, but I found forgiveness has transforming power. It is a journey that does not happen overnight and for me it was two years after the rape when I came to true forgiveness. When we don't forgive that root of bitterness will continue to cause us harm and keep us from a full life.
Twenty-one years after I was raped, I had a near life experience after an automobile accident and laid in a coma-like state for three days. It was then I discovered that through forgiveness my offender had also been redeemed. Realizing the incredible power of forgiveness has been a great gift to my life. Not only was I set free, but also the man who abused me was set free through God's grace.
May these tools be helpful as you begin your own journey from Fear to Freedom and practice these as a Gift to Self. Whatever has broken your heart - whatever has stolen your joy - take heart! You can overcome the pain and find new hope for your life and new reasons to dance again!
Laughter
You would be so serious
But I desire to hear laughter
You would be so worried
But I desire you to let go.
It is time
Come my Beloved
Play in my fields
Roll in my grass
Dance in my garden.
Let the joy of my love
Bring laughter to your lips
Joy to your heart and
Happiness to your soul.
I am waiting
for a good laugh!
I started laughing
And I could not stop!