Are You Married to a Momma's Boy-_4662

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You probably fell in love with your husband because he was a loving, generous, thoughtful, responsible, honest person. Maybe you loved the kind way he treated his 5-year old niece, his yellow Labrador retriever, or his sweet little grandma. Whatever qualities attracted you to him,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there's a good chance that his mother is a big reason why he turned out so great. Moms are usually a wonderful influence in their son's life. Guys who have a close relationship with their mother usually make great husbands.
Unfortunately,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sometimes a man has such a close relationship with Mom that it interferes with his ability to be a great husband. When you first dated your husband, you may have admired the fact that he really enjoyed being around his mom. You probably really liked her, and she liked you too. But then maybe she had a hard time letting go of her son, which is understandable since she has known him since he wore Huggies. Perhaps she became a little bit jealous of you, and then you began to feel the need to compete with her.
When a man marries, he is supposed to transfer his loyalty from his parents to his wife. His behavior plays a key role in how well his wife gets along with his parents. Some parents accept their new role quickly, but others have a hard time adjusting to the idea that they are no longer the center of their son's life. A mother with healthy behavior will gracefully step aside-even if she does not want to-and encourage her son to make his wife his main priority. It can be extremely difficult for a man to transfer his loyalty if his mom tries to make him feel guilty for doing so.
Here are five ways you can become the most important woman in your husband's life:
1. Put yourself in your husband's shoes. He probably feels caught between a rock and a hard place. He may think he is being a bad son whenever he tries to be a good husband. He feels terrible when his actions upset his mom. Rather than calling Hubby a gutless parent-pleaser and criticizing his mom, be supportive and help him through the process of transferring his loyalty to you. Let him know that when his mom gets upset, it doesn't mean he did something wrong; it just means he is becoming a great husband, and his mom is just going through a period of adjustment.
2. Communicate your feelings and needs in a loving, tactful manner. Tell Hubby what he can say and do to show that he is a loyal husband. You could say something like,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "I feel betrayed when you listen to your mom gossip about me. From now on when she starts to say something bad about me, I need you to say 'Mom, I'm not willing to listen to you criticize my wife anymore. From now on, I want you to talk to her directly instead of putting me in the middle.'" Thank him whenever he makes your needs a priority.
3. Anticipate problems and prepare your husband for his mom's reaction. If you and Hubby want to invite everyone to your own house for the holidays this year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then help him be prepared to handle a negative reaction from his mom. Suppose you think his mom will say, "Son, you know it is tradition for you to come to our house for Christmas. We will be very disappointed if you don't come here." Your husband could respond by saying, "I'm sorry you're upset, but we've decided to start a new tradition of our own. I hope you'll come join us at our house."
4. Set an example by having healthy behavior patterns. If your husband's mother is controlling and manipulative, then your behavior should be such a contrast that Hubby can see the difference. If the only reason your husband makes you a priority is because you scream or cry the loudest, then you need to adjust your behavior. Your goal should be to have a marriage based on love and respect, rather than intimidation and guilt.
5. Make sure you are a loyal wife. When your husband's needs conflict with your parents' needs, do you make him your first priority? Or do you say "no" to him so you can say "yes" to your folks? Do you gossip about Hubby to members of your family? If you want your husband to make you his first priority, then you need to reciprocate.
You can have a great marriage even if your in-laws aren't so great. All you need is patience, persistence,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and a whole lot of love.
The manageress and a guy behind a till were the only people in the shop and I made my way to the walk-in beer fridge at the back. Over the months they had got to know me well and no doubt had their own thoughts about me. But I was probably one of their best customers so they always treated me politely. They could not have failed to notice the huge amounts of booze that I was buying.As I made my way to the beer fridge the shop assistant appeared out of nowhere and greeted me. "Sawubona," he said. He seemed to stare right into my very soul. I wondered what was he thinking. He sometimes helped me to the car and today would be no different. No doubt I was a shock to him as well. Maybe I was too paranoid. Sure I was gaunt,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], filthy and sickly-looking but then maybe there were plenty of people like me coming in and out of the bottle store every day. Maybe all that intrigued them was where the money was coming from. That must be a mystery as I looked like a typical down and out. Bugger it. Let them ponder.
The cold beer fridge revived me a little and I always stayed a couple of minutes longer than necessary. I found my beer and asked the assistant to help me carry the case to the till. There I fumbled for the money and handed it over to the guy. He remained silent and passed me the change which I gave to the assistant. He mumbled a quiet "Siyabonga," and carried the case to the car.I felt that I had no choice any more. The liquor consumed all my mental and physical energy. The people who came and went in my life saw me as a babbling wreck. I comforted myself with the thought that they should see me when I was deprived of my beers.I stopped at the fridge long enough to sink a cold one and then walked into the office. My entrance went unnoticed and only Mary looked up and asked how I was feeling. Plonking myself down, I couldn't fail to notice that it had turned into a lovely day.